I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
