he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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