just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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