Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
