He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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