dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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