i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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