she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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