fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
