Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
