you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
