every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
