I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
