quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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