I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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