The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
