aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
