Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
