I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
