I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
