Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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