I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
