i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I don't deserve a penis
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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