she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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