I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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