My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
