apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
