Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
