Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
