You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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