Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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