Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
