I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
