i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
