wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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