SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
