The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
