Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
