I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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