Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Randomize
