I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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