so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
