Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
