i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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