If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
