just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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