Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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