I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
