I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
