I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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