Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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