I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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