Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
